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Why Am I Awake?
Posted By: BattleScarredHeart1984 On: 07 Oct 2015 06:33:47

Lord, I sit here awake at 4am with unrest and unease in my heart. What is it that stirs me up at this hour? Is it fear of the unknown of what lay ahead of me? I'm not the man I used to be, the man my spouse fell in love with. Yes I have changed, I have grown from being the naive, yielding, young man whom she met at first, to the man who desires to stand firm on the belief that he serves the living God instead of serving the Catholic church. Since I walked away from the Catholic religion, things between us haven't been the same. I cannot change her ways, anymore than she can mine. Being older than me, she is set in her way and is unyielding. I was led to C3 Church for a reason and that is where I will serve unless You say otherwise. Jesus, I have always cared about her, even when she was careless with her words which caused these scars on my heart, still I prayed for her, that You would show favor in her life. Forgive me Lord for my own transgressions, breaking my vows and hold them not against me, I release my hurts and past life to you. I confess, that these events have made my heart hard but not uncaring; her well being has always been my prayer for her. All I ever wanted out of life was an ordinary one, but I suppose you have other things in mind for me. Only You though can love her better than I ever could and provide her the life that she needs. Please, guide us both in this time, grant us peace and stillness in heart and mind, and to trust You always even when things don't seem to make sense. Thank you Jesus I pray in Your name, Amen.


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